1. I love salmon colored roses.
2. I have been to Graceland five times.
3. My favorite vodou deity is Erzulie because she wears lots of jewelry and likes sugar cakes and champagne. HI ERZULIE!
4. I consider the Cyndi Lauper album, She’s So Unusual, a sacred text.
5. When I was little I thought being born a girl was a real drag, but now I think it is the most stupendous.
6. I love Caitlin Moran, Bruce Springsteen, Sofia Loren and Wilco.
7. I’m not a fan of puritanism and salvation through denial. But I do like work.
8. If I was the leader of a drug cartel I’d like my name to be Pickles. Just to lighten the vibe.
9. I forced my little brother to play Seymour in a production of Little Shop of Horrors in our garage that I directed at 10. He hated it, but hung out. The plant was played by a girl in a green sleeping bag. I was never artistically satisfied but I kept my mouth shut. I learned that if people will wear camping gear for you, you’re in showbiz.
10. In the seventh grade, some very intimidating cool girls (they wore onk pendants and Joy Division shirts) heard that INXS was filming a video at the Funzone. They were ditching school and riding their bikes to go see it and they told me to come. I loved Michael Hutchence so much, that earlier in the year, I calligraphy-ed the lyrics to “Mystify” as the opening page on my Social Studies report on Thailand. Huge report. I’m talking seventy percent of your grade. The lyrics were risky, but I was blinded by love for MC. (Thailand I picked because everything I loved from Pier One Imports came from there.) My teacher wrote a question mark next to my erotic prologue but any way I could incorporate MC into life felt right. Obviously, I ditched school, rode down to the beach with the cool girls. Then Michael Hutchence smiled at me and signed my pink Zena jeans. I have been fascinated by cool girls ever since.
11. I pronounce La Croix incorrectly, but am still worthy of love.